Step One

I wrote the following about a month ago. I hadn’t yet formally embarked on any steps but instead began “grazing” through the AA literature. I discovered that I had been “two stepping”–skipping the ones that I don’t like and just “doing” the ones I want. That is SO me. However, I now have a sponsor and she’s amazing.

I’ve managed to get the first two under my belt and am now beginning Step Three–turning my will over to the care of (fill in the blank). I still don’t know what that is but when I wrote the following little ditty It sure felt like something. I think maybe I’ve found the “God”of my understanding: Truth. Dharma. Basic goodness.

Here ya go:

I am turning over my will to the dharma, the basic goodness inherent in everyone. Letting go of my selfish will–my egoic mind, the voice in my head, my belief that I’m superior. The basic goodness that resides within me is not just for me it is the thruline to everything. I’m not special. I will let go into that. I know that to be truth. And that is way bigger than me and has nothing to do with me. I just happen to be riding in the same car with it. And I trust it will be a good driver.

I expect this realization—this glimpse—is just that. A glimpse. And that the practice is letting go into every day, every hour, every moment.

When I took my refuge vows three years ago, I really had no clue. But I think I finally get what taking refuge means. The word “taking” always threw me off. I couldn’t understand where “taking” anything was anything more than another selfish act. But letting go into the truth of everything—the undercurrent of basic goodness—the dharma is what I think they mean. Could this also be synonymous to God?

Holy shit.

Author: soberyoginow

I am a 56 year old yoga instructor who chooses not to drink alcohol any more. View all posts by soberyoginow