I gotta be honest. I don’t believe in a higher power. This whole idea that there is a god sitting somewhere, waiting to be asked for forgiveness before he decides to take our hell from us is just about pissing me off. We silly humans are always looking for a way out of where we are. Something else. An escape. Someone to blame. Something to do. Not us, them. Not me…God.
Come on, people!! Do you really think that some illusional, fictional fairy tale of a person is going to wave his magic wand and save you? I do not. And I know that AA says we don’t have to believe in God…it can be ‘of our own understanding’ but they really mean you have to believe in something outside of yourself. I just don’t see that happening. We did this to ourselves. We are alcoholics. We had a choice and we made it. We drank. I drank. I made horrible decisions. I have to take responsibility for them. How is handing everything over to someone else supposed to help that??
For the better part of four years I have studied Buddhism. I jumped in, hook line and sinker when I found my teacher, Jetsun Khandro Rinpoche. I went to retreat upon retreat, meditated for hours on end–naked in a tent in 100 degree weather, and still I find the pomp and circumstance off-putting. My fellow Buddhists describe it as a necessary part of emptying the mind. I still don’t get it. My buddhist scriptures are just as full of patriarchal bull as the Bible. I see no difference. There is even a line that employs “my Lord” to take away transgressions. In BUDDHISM! How crazy is that?
So yeah, I’m pissed off today. Religion is religion is religion. I don’t believe it will save us. I don’t believe in a God sitting in the sky and I don’t believe reciting the 100 syllable mantra will help starving people in Africa.
So THERE. Take THAT.
Right now at the moment I don’t believe in a friggin’ thing. People want salvation and the minute they “give up” they feel better. I’m not giving up at the moment. I just don’t feel it. And I’m done pretending I do.