Last night I had a dream that I was in the witness protection program. Everyone involved was trying to get me to realize that my life as I know it, would be over. In the dream, from an intellectual standpoint, I kept saying, “Yeah, I get it. I’m going to have a new life.” But at some point in the dream, it hit me. MY LIFE AS I KNOW IT IS OVER. The dream woke me up and I did my best to recall the details but as morning hit, it was turning into a blur. All I could do was remember the premise. And frankly, that was enough.
My life, as I know it, is over. Everything has changed. Not to the naked eye, mind you. But everything has shifted in such a way that I feel entirely different. Maybe it’s the second AA meeting, or the Recovery 2.0 book, or the meditation practice or yoga. Perhaps its because of my brother’s visit (he’s 30 years sober and a member of AA) and the deep conversations we had. Maybe it’s a combination of all of those things.
I feel braver today. I feel more open. Maybe even more aware. I expect it to change, trust me. But for today, I’m going to go with it.